Remember
by WhiteFox
Summary: Love breaks all boundaries. Any sacrifice is worth it. Xel/Zel


! I'm new as in just joined about an hour ago and i got inspired to  
write a xel/zel fic of my own for the first time! its even finished!  
  
"Xelloss..."  
  
He stood alone in a field of devastation, the ground was black and the  
air heavy with smell of death. He had blood on his clothes and face but  
it didn't touch him. He felt...pain.  
  
" Xelloss...."  
  
The voice pulled at him and he walked to the whispering figure on the  
ground, hand outstretched towards him. Nearby a blonde man held a  
redhead both burned together in unholy fire. A distance from there a  
younger girl mauled by the present mazoku but dead and broken as well.  
  
" Never... forget..."  
  
Blue skin and fine features marred by broken bones and a bloody mass of  
tissue which used to be skin and flesh. The voice washed over him,  
comforting yet hurting at the same time.  
  
" remember... love"  
  
The pain in the eyes which gazed at him. Emotions unidentifiable but  
prominent. Tears shimmering within the slowly spilling over.  
  
"... always you...."  
  
He felt a pain lance through his heart. This person was important. He  
knew it. Important but he had done something and now the responsibilty  
weighed upon him, crushing him even though he didn't know what he had  
done.  
  
" Xelloss...."  
  
He looked down again and wanted to speak, to explain but what he didn't  
know. A shadow fell over both of them and he looked up to see  
Zellas-sama. Her eyes were grave and unyielding. She reached her hand  
towards him and he tried to move back knowing that her touch would steal  
something from him. Something precious. His own tears fell unheeded as  
she touched his forehead and he heard that voice one last time before  
the power seared his mind. One last time saying...  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
  
The mazoku jerked up with a start. His eyes opened and he wiped the  
sweat from his forehead. A dream? Impossible. But that meant two things.  
A sending from someone who knew him or a memory. It couldn't be a  
sending as Zellas and he himself set of defenses to prevent this sort of  
nonsense. Memory? What could he have been forgetting? Who was  
that..creature? He hadn't been wholly human for he had never seen a  
human with blue skin before. Another type, something combined. He  
frowned as he struggled mentally to recall and he felt it there behind a  
wall pushing to be known. Chi... Chim...  
  
"Chimeara..." he breathed and was surprised when he felt tears fall from  
his eyes and the flare of pain the word invoked. Why? What was he  
forgetting? WHO was he forgetting? Xelloss felt out of place as he heard  
the howling of the wolves. It was unnerving but he knew somehow, deep  
within him, something wasn't right. Part of him was missing, incomplete.  
And yet, his memory was perfectly intact as far as he knew. He could  
recall every single thing which had occurred in the past even minute  
details during the great battle which had brought them their greatest  
victory over the humans.  
  
That battle... Somehow he couldn't focus on the battle very well. His mind  
tried to skip past things or not think about it at all. He sat down and  
concentrated, bending his will against his own mind, wanting, needing to  
remember. It all stemmed from that one battle he knew it. Now if he  
could just get a grasp on it. Following the chronology of events, he had  
no trouble following what had transpired except... except he knew he had  
been with companions prior to the fight but everytime he tried to get a  
grasp on their identities, they seemed to slip away. Frustrated beyond  
belief he growled and hissed in anger, "What the hell is wrong?! If only  
I could remember the chimeara!"  
  
"Xelloss..."  
  
Xelloss gave a cry of surprise and twisted round to see the chimaera  
standing by his bed, gazing at him sadly. He wore grey shaman clothing  
which seemed so right on him and a matching cloak. The only thing out of  
place was the glowing ruby red pendant which hung around his neck. He  
prepared to attack when he realised he could see THROUGH the chimaera.  
The apparition had flinched visibly when he had gathered his energy and  
as he canceled the spell, it looked away but he could see tears running  
down its cheeks. "Who are you? Why do you invade my mind? What do you  
know about me? Tell me!" His composure was frazzled and although he was  
no stranger to spirits, this one invoked unfamiliar emotions within him.  
Predominantly, a need to be with this creature, to hold and make love,  
not sex, but love to him and an overwhelming sorrow, an acknowledgement  
that he had hurt this man before him somehow.  
  
"zel.. gadi..s..."  
  
Xelloss strained to hear as it spoke its name. "Zelgadis? That's your  
name?" The ghost nodded and seemed to looking for a reaction. Getting  
none its shoulders slumped as Zelgadis stood there uncertain what to do  
next. "Why are you here Zelgadis?" The ghost seemed to mouth something  
but gave it no voice. Instead, it gave another answer as Xelloss tried  
to recognize what he had said.  
  
"... help..."  
  
Help? Help him? Help Zelgadis? "Help me?" The figure nodded again. "Help  
me what?" A tap to the forehead. "Help me remember? You're here to help  
me remember?" Another nod. Xelloss now studied the chimaera as his mind  
worked furiously. Ghosts of this sort were only able to appear after  
years of culminating energy to appear and only to someone whom they had  
strang ties to. It was the ultimate sacrifice on their part as souls  
like this would break apart when the energy ran out and they would cease  
to exist, never to be reborn. "How can you help?" The figure gestured  
and an image appeared, it was on the outskirts of a forest near a river  
with golden banks. He knew the place well as he had always seemed  
attracted to the place. Strange, since no one would go there and no  
animals lived there either. "Go there?" A nod was all he needed. He  
teleported without hesitation.  
  
Zelgadis was waiting for him when he appeared. "Now what?" Zelgadis  
gestured for him to follow and he did. The took a small almost  
imperceptible path which led to a clearing. They passed that and as they  
did so, he noticed two headstones beside each other heading a double  
grave. It read, 'Lina Inverse, mercenary but of kind heart' and 'Gourry  
Gabriev, swordsman and loyal companion of Lina.' He couldn't say why,  
but the sight of the stones made a deep ache in his chest. Turning, he  
saw Zelgadis looking a little less solid smiling sadly at him. "I knew  
them didn't I?" A nod. "Will I know them at the end of this?" An  
affirmative. He continued forward passing an ornate headstone reading,  
'Princess Amelia, Defender of Justice' until they reached a sheltered  
clearing thist time. There was a headstone there but as he made to go  
near it, a translucent Zelgadis stopped him.  
  
"Why?" Zelgadis did not speak and Xelloss knew it would waste the energy  
he had collected so preciously. Instead, he removed the red pendant from  
his neck and fastened it around Xelloss. It was warm to touch and pulsed  
with energy. Now, the chimeara stood aside and Xelloss took a step  
forward only to be halted again. This time by Zellas, the Beastmaster.  
  
"Xelloss, do not do this. There will be nothing good for you to  
remember."  
  
He turned to her. "You knew. In the dream... it was you who took my  
memories. Why?" Zellas looked away, "You were weakening. It was for your  
own good. You had grown to attached. To human." Xelloss lost his  
customary smile, opening his eyes completely. Violet orbs as hard as  
diamonds caught her gaze and held it. "It shuold have been my choice.  
You took it away from me then. But you will not take it away from me  
now." Turning away, he began to approach the headstone, focusing on  
Zelgadis who stood beside it, smiling with tears running down his  
cheeks. There was love in that gaze and he felt it washing over him,  
blocking Zellas from entering the grove. He felt foreboding countering  
his elation however as he approached the tombstone. Zelgadis began to  
fade and the spirit stepped forward seeming solid for just a moment and  
kissed him. As the spirit disintegretated, he heard the lingering  
whisper.  
  
"Aishiteru..."  
  
Finally, when he was able to move and he looked down, what he read  
making him fall to his knees.  
  
"Zelgadis Grewyers, Chimaera lover to Xelloss and died by his hand."  
  
"No..." It wasn't true. It couldn't be! But it was and he knew it and he  
screamed in anguish as his memories returned with the force of a trunami  
crashing into his brain. Memories of friendship, love and lessons  
learned of loyalty and caring flooded his mind. Lina angry at his tricks  
and casting a fireball, Gourry in his constant state of unawareness,  
Amelia and her amusing views of good and evil and finally, the greatest  
joy and sorrow, Zelgadis the quiet chimeara who had given himself to  
Xelloss and taught the mazoku to love. One memory stood out. The last  
night before they had seen each other again on opposing forces.  
  
"Promise me, no matter what happens you will remember us. Like this."  
  
"Silly Zel-chan. How could I forget?"  
  
"Promise me Xelloss. Promise me, and even if I die by your hand I will  
die happy."  
  
Xelloss lost his teasing manner and looked at his love. "You're  
serious?" The look in Zelgadis eyes gave him the answer.  
  
"I promise."  
  
But he hadn't. He had forgotten and the battle had come and gone. His  
lover had died and he had forgotten not for a day or a week. But for two  
hundred years! He knew now where he was. This was the site of the battle  
all those years ago. The tomstones marked the places where they had  
fallen. Other, he could see now, heroes in their own right who had  
fought bravely. All overgrown as life had been restored to the wasteland  
again through the passing of time. The pendant on his chest pulsed in  
time to his aching heart. He would never see his lover again, not even  
if he waited ten thousand years for his lover had given up everything  
for him to remember. But now, like his lover, he had nothing. He was  
hollow, no grief, no sorrow. Just an aching sense of loss which hurt so  
badly he double over keening.  
  
He would never leave his Zelgadis again. Never. Turning to Zellas, he  
looked at her with dull, dead eyes and said clearly, "Goodbye Mother.  
The forest will see you out." And unheeding of her cries of protest as  
the plants began to grow pushing her farther away and orders for him to  
not disgrace himself he lay on the grave and rested his head on the  
stone. As the air grew still, he lay there unmoving, eyes seeing nothing  
and one hand touching pendant on his chest. It flickered and pulsed a  
bit more, becoming more erratic until finally it flared and dulled,  
crumbling away to dust as did the body resting upon the grave. The soul  
of Xellos sat on the headstone and there it would remain, until it too  
dissolved to nothing to join its mate in the void.  
  
Whew! My first Xel/Zel fic! ^_~ Please send your C&C!  
  
White Fox  
  
  
  
  



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